Too Much Information (TMI) ALERT: Nursing

So this is going to be one of those blogs for records sake - it may have too much information for some of you so if you prefer not to read just click the "next" button now.

Deven and I decided - well I decided - that it was time to wean. I am a little sad about it though. We've had a pretty successful experience if I don't say so myself.

Like I told all my girl friends I don't think it would have gone so well had it not been for Deven's love of all things food. That kid came out of the hatch/incision knowing exactly what to do. I am told this is rare so I am certainly counting my blessings. The first three months were rough - not gonna lie. What with eating every 1 to 2 hours I think it was just pure lack of sleep that started driving me mad. I only freaked out about 50 times though so only minimal damage to the good of the order. Nick was a trooper and learned quickly to lie about how well he slept or just not ask how well I slept.

My goals for nursing and going back to work were terrifying for me. I am pretty sure the only way I kept at it was that I took all my anxiety about not being at home with him and put it into being able to continue to nurse. So much was my focus that I became obsessed with not having to supplement with formula. Don't get me wrong, we still have two cans in the pantry if "just in case" had ever become a reality. I think the obsession also gave me a way to get through my transition (aka depression) back to work, nothing else really mattered but keeping my supply up for Deven.

My first goal was 6 months. There were some minor and major stresses along the way but my work was really supportive and thank goodness all my clients were Not For Profit organizations so they were all into "that sort of thing." Some of them even had nursing rooms but more often than not I was standing in a very cold bathroom trying to balance my Medela In Style on the sink. Oh and just so you know, Starbucks has an outlet in all their bathrooms...not just a coffee house!! I became a pro at lugging that thing around with me everywhere; I called it my appendage. Parking garages, side streets and random offices were no match for me.

We made my first goal, so I made a 9 month goal and then a 12 month goal. At our 12 month check up the doc told us it was a good time to start transitioning to cows milk. Given my afore mentioned obsession this didn't sit too well with me. However, Deven's school didn't allow bottles in the pre-toddler room and my loving husband seemed to think it was time to refocus some of my anxiety on other important things or maybe even get rid of the anxiety all together.

It took a few months for me to let go (yes I am a control freak) but around the same time Deven moved up to the pre-toddler room we decided there wasn't any reason to keep the supply up. Around 15 months our supply was gone and I was able to stop pumping with minimal discomfort. It was so weird but also a little freeing.

The last four months have been great. We nursed at night and on the weekends. This last month though Deven has been learning to use his words. One of his favorite words is milk...pronounced Miiiilch. A favorite word for the very reason you can imagine. Generally we don't have any odd moments but last week as we were roaming through target we passed the bra section, Deven points and says, Miiiilch. I thought to myself...hmmm...it may be time to finish the weaning process. I think I am ready for this...notice I'm trying to convince myself. I think I am ready but for some reason I feel guilty about being ready. Let's label this irrational behavior freak out #307...still a low number considering a 19 month long project.

This week I started reading the bedtime story in Nick's place. Most of the nights Deven completely forgot about nursing so it was easy. The other nights were a little rough; there may have been momma and Deven tears involved. So I have come to the conclusion that going cold turkey may not necessarily be the right answer...at least this week...either way though it has been one of the most rewarding "projects" that we have almost finished!!